Recognizing Offense in Ourselves and Our Children

We tend to think that recognizing offense in ourselves is easy and straightforward. When we get upset at someone, we are offended. First, the easiest way to recognize offense is if you are still mad, hurt, or emotionally charged in some way when you encounter the offending people later. This is how you can tell if there is unforgiveness blocking your way forward. Since forgiveness is a command and a choice, it is a matter of being willing to release that person and give them to Jesus to deal with, as Junk or Joy points out.

Second, overreaction in specific circumstances is my strong clue that there is a problem somewhere in my heart that has triggered my response.  These are known as triggers.  Matthew 12:34 says, "Out of the heart, the mouth speaks".  Therefore, I ask, "Lord, why am I so upset about this situation?"  I am often surprised to hear that I am overreacting because of something that happened long ago that I haven't thought of in ages.  However, sometimes our responses are so normal to us that we don't recognize them as being out of proportion to the situation or recognize that others have a problem with our reactions. In my experience, this is especially true with anger, fear, or anxiety. Many people go to anger quickly in a variety of seemingly insignificant situations without even considering that the reaction is over the top for the situation. When praying with others about this negative fruit in their lives, Jesus will show them the root cause and their response is often, "I never thought about it that way before".

Third, recognizing offense and hurt in our children is dependent on knowing your child so you recognize when they are acting differently from their usual. I watch for the loss of their carefree spirit or their joy bubbles; the shine in their eyes diminishes. Some children emotionally shut down and withdraw in fear, while others may react in anger and rebellion. There is a whole gambit of changes that children display when offended or hurt, but the key is change from their normal behavior.  

The longer the offense and lies are reinforced, the greater the influence.  This can happen through repeated reinforcement in smaller situations or through a single large traumatic event. The sooner change in behavior is recognized and dealt with, the easier it is to turn the situation around and prevent future problems.  Regardless of the age when problems are detected, the sooner they are dealt with, the better for all involved. 

#raisestablechildren.    #makingJesusreal