Are You Really Listening?

Many people grow up without a voice.  What do I mean by that?  They believe "My voice doesn't matter."  "No one listens to me anyway."  Therefore, they do not speak out because their opinion has not been valued.  This often comes from being shut down in childhood.  For example, I grew up with the saying, "Children should be seen and not heard!"  These are examples of the lies explored in Offense, Get Off My Fence. 

One of my biggest breakthroughs in parenting came when I learned to really listen to my children.  How?  

·      First, stop your activity

·      Turn and make eye contact with the child  

·      Listen carefully to what they are saying without trying to formulate your response 

·      Repeat back what you understood them to say 

·      Check with child to see if that is what they meant 

·      If not, ask some pertinent questions to help clarify  

·      When you agree, then repeat the conclusion or the decision 

Listening to a child and then asking questions to draw them out and clarify what they are talking about is paramount.  Instead of just assuming they're "talking nonsense" because you don't understand their meaning; stop and ask a few questions and you will be amazed at their insight--even if they express it differently from adults.  There is a "childlike" innocence in their expression that is often accompanied by amazing insight.  Remember that Jesus answered many of the Pharisees questions with questions of His own.

This skill eliminates all loop holes children might try to wiggle through as well as eliminating misunderstandings and hurt feelings because no one listened.  It is valuable in helping children process their emotions appropriately and in a timely manner.  If you are listening, you will be more apt to understand when your child is having problems, the kinds of problems such as spiritual, relationships, or traumatic, and how to help them.  Of course, there are always those times when they just want to chatter. . .  

Listening will develop trust in a relationship very quickly.  This includes ALL relationships including spouses, friends, and Jesus!  Communication is generally more listening than speaking.  Communication is to voice your opinion, not to make the other person agree with you.

#raisestablechildren. #makingJesusreal