Real Repentance with Restitution

Repentance is more than saying you’re sorry.  It is an apology heartfelt enough that you are willing to take some action to change and try to replace the bad fruit with good fruit.  If there isn’t some kind of observable or measurable change, the repentance probably isn’t for real.  When kids fight, an adult often steps in and has one or the other apologize.  They say, “I’m sorry!” as they roll their eyes or stomp their feet.  We all recognize this to be a false apology or should I say a forced apology.  Once when I suggested that an apology would ease a particular situation, the person involved asked, “What do you want me to do?  Grovel or beg!”  Pride often tells us that an apology is unacceptable and beneath us because it would show that we are weak or at fault.  It takes a strong person to accept responsibility for cleaning up their messes, relationally or otherwise.  My mother used to call it eating humble pie.

Children are more vulnerable than adults and have limited choices. They often think things are their fault and mentally and emotionally take responsibility or guilt for causing divorce or discord in the family.  We need to teach our children what is their responsibility and how to carry it out in areas of homework, chores, and everyday life.  But they also need to be taught what is not their responsibility when it comes to the actions of others.  We need to teach and demonstrate healthy boundaries as illustrated in my book, Offense, Get Off My Fence.

Between adults, however, disagreements are rarely one-sided. My own healing came one night while sitting alone in my house praying about my husband.  The Lord gently showed me what parts of our marriage problems were because of my actions.  I remember being totally shocked!  I had felt so justified in my feelings of rejection that I couldn’t see the things I had done that contributed to that rejection.  I did repent and asked Jesus what I could do to put it right.  He told me to apologize to my husband!  When I swallowed my pride and obeyed, things immediately started turning around.  It often only takes one to turn a troubled relationship around.  A resource that really helped me see this was Nancy Missler’s series called, "The Way of Agape".  The thing I learned is that when you pray for God to change someone else, He often points to you and says, “You first!”

If repentance is not just words, but actions; how do you accomplish repentance?  We need a heart change for repentance to take place and Jesus is the one who makes heart changes so we need to ask Jesus to help us accomplish repentance.  When repentance happens in the heart first, the outside cleans up as well.  But when repentance is only empty words on the outside, the heart will continue on in bitterness.  One thing that helps soften your heart is to ask Jesus how He sees the situation and/or the other person—ask Him to give you His perspective, His strategy, and His wisdom.  Ask Him to help you both forgive and repent from the heart level.  You will be amazed at what happens!  1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Another way to help with real repentance is to picture yourself and any others in the Garden of Gethsemane (which means olive press) with Jesus from Matthew 26.  This is especially helpful when we are feeling better than someone else or more righteous!  When we are feeling justified in our judgment and bitterness or when we are feeling like a victim because of someone else’s actions against us, a visit to Gethsemane for an hour to pray is guaranteed to cultivate a humble attitude.

And how do we change the fruit in our lives?  This is called restitution and it is the Biblical principle of paying back more than we borrowed, broke, damaged, or stole.  In the Old Testament people were required to pay back more than they stole.  In Exodus 22:1 it says, “If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and slaughters it or sells it, he shall pay five oxen for the ox and four sheep for the sheep.” And in Leviticus 5:5 it says, “. . . he shall make restitution for it in full, and add to it one-fifth more.”   In the New Testament in Luke 19:8, Zaccheus said, “. . . if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much.”   But it isn’t always money.  Money can help in many situations, but it cannot heal the heart.  If you have wronged another person, ask Jesus how you can make it up to the person.  In short, you need to bless the other person consistently over a period of time.  Trust is a precious thing between two people and when it is damaged, it takes time and effort to rebuild.  Ask any partner who has been betrayed by adultery.  Knowing who can be trusted is another topic addressed in my book, Offense, Get Off My Fence.

I am not here to lay guilt on anyone.  Repentance is like our use of the word salvation —SOZO.  Bethel Church in Redding, California does a great job teaching about this word SOZO.  It is healing of the body, soul, and spirit-- physical healing for the body, deliverance for healing the soul, and forgiveness for healing the spirit.  Jesus came to give us much more than we thought when we “lead someone to Jesus” with a simple prayer.  Just like we don't realize the full meaning of SOZO salvation; we don't realize the full meaning of repentance.  Repentance is a necessary step toward the freedom Jesus died to give everyone.  It is a powerful cleansing agent we cannot afford to take lightly.

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