Defining Trauma

There are many forms and severity of trauma, but basically trauma can be categorized as Type A Trauma which is the ABSENCE of the necessary good things and Type B trauma which is the PRESENCE of harmful things.

Type A traumas can include a whole continuum of things like:

• Not being cherished and loved
• Not being listened to or understood
• Not being held or physically nurtured
• Not having adequate food, clothes, shelter, medical care, etc.
• Not being taught how to do hard things like problem solving and being persistent
• So much inconsistency in the home that they must “walk on egg shells” not ever knowing what to expect
• Not being given opportunities to develop personal resources and talents
• Lack of basic trust which is developed between 0-2 years
• Not receiving age-appropriate limits or having those limits enforced in way that call your value into question 

Doing a bad thing or doing a thing badly is different from being a bad person!  We are not our mistakes.  The question is what can we learn from our mistakes? From Offense Get Off My Fence.

 Type B traumas can include a whole continuum of things like:

• Physical abuse, including face slapping, hair pulling, shaking, punching, etc.
• Any violent spanking done in anger, leaving marks or emotional scars
• Sexual abuse or all kinds including inappropriate touching
• Verbal abuse, yelling, name-calling, etc.
• Abandonment by a parent
• Witnessing others being abused
• Torture

Trauma can be anything that tempts the child to believe lies about themselves and the world.  It can happen in big single incidences or in repeated small things.  We all deal with trauma, but children are vulnerable and can’t process it like adults.  For example, If a child is raised with constant criticism from a parent; they might believe the lie that they can’t do anything right so they learn to be “perfect” to earn that parent’s love.  Or even worse, they believe they are unlovable.  The more the criticism happens, the more the lies are reinforced and the more the child agrees with them.  The lies become negative self-talk that cycles through their thoughts and becomes a lense through which they see themselves.  

We carry these lenses with us, sometimes to the grave, and we interpret our world and make our decisions influenced by these lenses.  For example, if I am unlovable, then I will have a hard time receiving love.  What does that mean for my future relationships such as marriage?  I will not be able to receive love from anyone that I think is too good for me.  I will tend to marry someone who treats me badly because I am unlovable or don’t deserve anything better.  I even start to attract those kinds of people to reinforce my lies.  This might lead to an abusive marriage or a marriage where I am treated like I am expecting to be treated.  Sometimes there are multiple divorces, but people remarry the same kind of person.  This is how childhood trauma keeps us in a cycle of offense over a life time.

With trauma we often build walls around our heart to keep from getting hurt again.  These walls protect us, but as we get older they stop working because they keep the good out as well as the bad.  If I am busy protecting myself, will I be able to trust someone who wants to love me?  Over time these walls become a prison, but Jesus can tear down walls and set us free.  RAISING STABLE CHILDREN IN AN UNSTABLE WORLD is a coaching program designed to bring healing to parents and children using the Powerful Heart Book Set to start difficult conversations and provide alternative solutions to trauma.

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